i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.