Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from England

I just gift wrapped bread.

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(+44): I just gift wrapped bread. http://tfl.nu/h0i1

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(636): View more from Missouri

you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

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(636): you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me. http://tfl.nu/k5hc

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

(1-662): View more from Mississippi

I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

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(662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.

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(843): I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car. http://tfl.nu/mri5

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(847): View more from Illinois

Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now

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(847): Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now http://tfl.nu/tfy2

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(563): View more from Iowa

For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.

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(563): For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in. http://tfl.nu/kbab

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(317): View more from Indiana

The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.

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(317): The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth. http://tfl.nu/e18q

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(843): View more from South Carolina

REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON

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(843): REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON http://tfl.nu/qqb2

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(630): View more from Illinois

Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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(630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i

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(928): View more from Arizona

proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors

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(928): proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors http://tfl.nu/6slk

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(619): View more from California

I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.

(1-619): View more from California

Very innocently.

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(619): I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend. (1-619): Very innocently. http://tfl.nu/o8xf

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(410): View more from Maryland

Wheres my essay?

(415): View more from California

You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?

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(410): Wheres my essay? (415): You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway? http://tfl.nu/m6g1

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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(910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap. http://tfl.nu/jw87

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.

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(401): The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm. http://tfl.nu/9ejj

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke

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(608): you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke http://tfl.nu/n0vk

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