I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
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Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down