Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low