I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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