be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.