What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business