1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She's JV to your varsity
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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