never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.