yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
