How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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