She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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