Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
