Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
