From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
