She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
