did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
