i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
