My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
