I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize