so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
