the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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