whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
