i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
