Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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