Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
