He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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