She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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