apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
