She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
