I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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