Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Porn is love you can see.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
