I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
