Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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