I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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