i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize