She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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