I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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