I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
