Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
