stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
