you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
