never play flip cup with pint glasses
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
