coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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