tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
