Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
