He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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