did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
