wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
