Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
