i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize