you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
