Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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