my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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