I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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