i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
