i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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