I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
