something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
