yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
