It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize