Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
