You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
