my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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