you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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