this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
