fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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