that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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