I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
