im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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