I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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