i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
