If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
