a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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