im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
