We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
