the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
