You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
