two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
