a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
