cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
