who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
True but thats because hes a fetus.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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