how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
