Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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