fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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