I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
