You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
