He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
