I think I am morally bankrupt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
