ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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