It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
