I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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