dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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