I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
